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Ah, the Virtual Romance. One of mankind’s most anticipated possibilities of the future is finally knocking at the door to the threshold of worldly realization (big words I know, but bear with me here).
While we aren’t quite at the point – yet – where human to human interaction can have at least one half of that equation satisfyingly replaced by a computer simulation, we are getting close; and though the connotations of that statement are a little scary, the fact that technology and biology are being inseparably mixed lends itself to the idea that it is only a matter of time before we will all be charged with the task of opening up our minds, hearts, and body parts to the quickly-approaching concept of artificial intelligence interacting with our species in an intimate fashion.
In other words? Soon we will be able to date computer programs and have sex with robots.In lieu of recent advancements in AI and VR (so how about that vive?), it seems it is a given that it won’t be long before our digital fantasies are brought to realization. Indeed, there is already a company or two working on making it happen; and given that we have already heard many different opinions on why that could be a bad thing, we bring to you some ideas in favor of the higher points such tech actively invading our lives (and our private-parts) may bring.

Top 5 Reasons a Virtual Lover would be better than a real one.  

1) No niggling/nagging.

While the concept might seem as obvious as a nerd at a nightclub (I am that nerd) I’m sure most people who have ever been in a relationship for more than a year could only dream of such a utopian situation. Just imagine a stress-free romantic partnership where your every need is fulfilled by a gorgeous virtual lover that will make sandwiches while you play VR games and have sex (possibly at the same time), sans complaining? While it is a possibility that at some point even our future virtual companions might eventually incorporate griping and whining into their repertoire of realistic simulated thought processes, at least until we get there we might find some respite!

2) Freedom to experiment.

Think positions with names like “The Cleveland Steamer” or the “Viennese Oyster” sound exciting but have a spouse/lover/prude that’s either not interested in trying, or thinks that sticking to straight up missionary sex is essential to a lasting relationship? Well with a virtual girlfriend/boyfriend your dirtiest fantasies could be brought to life without anyone even batting an eyelid at your weird fetish or depraved requests (perhaps even keeping your current relationship intact)!
Perhaps even more importantly, potentially dangerous sex acts could be made 100% safe; so whatever form of debauchery your interested in will no longer carry the risk of winding you up in the hospital waiting for an embarrassing examination. Now who doesn’t like the sounds of that?

3) You decide how they look.

You know that feeling that happens when you peek under the covers at the prospective lover you brought home from the bar last night and realize they look more like the tail end of a gremlin than the beautiful model you thought they were when you were still drunk and on top of the world? Well, aside from the fact that you likely don’t deserve to be with them anyhow after being such a shallow douche; a virtual partner could, in theory, be made to look like the girl/boy of your dreams and save you from the hassle of having to break it to them after the fact, or trying to chew your arm off in order to get away. Heck, if you’re really fickle you could even change them up whenever you want to without worrying that asking them to get a haircut or a nose-job will step on their feelings and get them back to nagging again!

4) Breakups will be easy.

Nobody likes a breakup. All that whining and crying and guilt just serves to remind you why you wanted to close things off in the first place. Besides, wouldn’t it be nicer if you could wrap things up without adding another person to the list of people who hate/want to kill you? Breaking off a virtual relationship will be as simple as pushing a button (or pulling out a power supply if your in a pinch), unless you have actually fallen in love with your virtual friend, in which case you should stop reading this list and at least attempt to procure yourself some psychological help.
Because they aren’t real and that’s just sad.

5) Cheaper than a real person.

Do you love being in love (yes I know what I said above, but this article is written with humor in mind, so relax you) but hate the idea of parting with your hard-earned cash in order to keep somebody happy? A virtual lover could change all that and by replacing your current partner in favor of some digital derrière, you might actually finally be able to get ahead in life! Likely to be had for either a one time fee or some form of subscription model (which although closer to what things are like IRL, will almost certainly cost less than the gold-digger you may be dealing with now) all that jumbo sized extra butter popcorn in the theater can finally be yours and yours alone!


You can start by licking my, ummm.... boots.
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You can start by licking my, ummm…. boots.

If these aren’t enough reasons to convince you that having a Virtual Lover will almost certainly be better than the real thing, you are probably either on this website by accident or you’re a bit of a masochist and are to some degree, genuinely fond of a pain in the ass. After all, what’s a little reaming amongst friends? The article may be written in jest, but there is some amount of truth to the points I have made above and it is interesting to think about just how much our romantic relationships might be effected by the incoming flux of advanced technology that is flooding our world more and more each day. Who knows, we might even see a future where couples remain together but delegate certain parts of the relationship, like lovemaking or emotional companionship, to a virtual surrogate; much in the same way many families currently delegate parts of their parenting tasks to a caretaker professionally trained for that task.

Leave us a comment and let us know what you think the future may hold for your love life and whether or not that is something to look forwards to.
Just don’t get caught in the process, or you might not hear the end of it!

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